So how'd you spend your afternoon?

I'm quite sure that no one spent their afternoon engaged in the same activity as me. I sat on my back porch and pulled handfuls of hair out of my head! Well pulled isn't really the right word. I just ran my hands through my hair and it came out. I noticed this morning that my hair was everywhere. It is amazing how much hair is on the human head. I feel like I should be bald already, but you wouldn't even know it's falling out the look at me right now. My scalp is hurting due to the hairs' roots finally succumbing to the chemo. I am now trying to decide if I should go ahead and shave it off or give it another day or two. I can only imagine the mess that will occur if I wait much longer. I'm nervous about buzzing it off, but Ed will be doing that for me. That is probably not something that he thought he would ever be doing--shaving his wife's head. I will post some pictures when the task is completed. I did shed a few tears this afternoon while watching my hair blow away in the breeze from my fingertips. I wasn't sad about my hair loss (well maybe a little). It was a defining moment that brought me back into my body and made me realize this is my life. I seem to be functioning almost third person most of the time. It's like all of this is happening to someone else, but today as my hair drifted away it reminded me that I have cancer and this is for real. It was a very sobering moment. Even as I cried, my dear sweet Emma came over singing Jingle Bells oblivious to all of life's troubles. You just can't be sad with a two year old saying, "Sing Momma...Sing...Jingle Bells...Jingle Bells."