2007 Breast Cancer 3 Day

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

You Wanna Piece of Me?

I just don’t understand. I did everything that they told me to do. Yet here I sit just 4 days from hearing the word CANCER again. Back pain and the pain/bloating in my liver didn’t give it away. It was tiny little lymph node that just wouldn’t give up. “Here I am. Notice me.” That little lymph node caused me to call my oncologist. The ever increasing back pain made me worry.

Now I know that cancer has made itself right at home once again within my body. This time though it won’t easily be defeated. My spine has numerous lesions, many lymph nodes in my neck and chest are cancerous, but most troubling is my liver. After a CT scan on Friday, we now know that I have EXTENSIVE lesions within my liver. The surgeon explained to me yesterday that there are 8 lobes to your liver and I have cancer in every lobe. Hey, when I do something—I do it BIG!

The many swirling thoughts have begun? How long do I have? What will Ed do without me? The list goes on and on. I am going in for an MRI today to get a better idea of what is on my spine and also to look at my brain. We do not know if the cancer has set up shop there yet. From a symptom standpoint I feel ok about my brain, but cancer in sneaky. It is a tool of Satan. It comes to steal, kill and destroy. My only saving grace and I do mean SAVING GRACE is that I have God on my side. This doesn’t mean that He will heal me (at least not on this earth). It means that He will be with me as I fight this fight. I’m not mad. Not yet. Right now I am just filled with great sadness knowing that my life will be cut short here on Earth and that Emma will have to go through life without me. Even typing those words makes me nauseous. I can’t wrap my brain around that yet. Quite frankly I don’t want to.

So today I will go see if there are any other landmines in my body that I will have to make an attack plan for. Tomorrow they will remove my enlarged lymph node and use it for pathology. We need to know exactly what the enemy looks like in order to beat it. I will also have a port put back in my chest for the chemo that is in my future. Next week when all the reports are in, I will meet with my oncologist to hear my prognosis and learn of the battle plan. I intend to fight. While the prospect of heaven is wonderful, I’m just not ready to go walk the streets of gold yet. I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me, but I know He uses ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him. There is a purpose in all of this. Good WILL come out of it. While it is hard to see through the darkness right now….LIGHT always defeats darkness. He is my Light, my Saviour, and my Lord.

Let the battle begin.

16 comments:

  1. Oh my LOVE. How my heart is breaking for you. You are my everything! Everything that I have ever wanted for a friend, a wife, a mother of my children I am blessed and highly favored of God to have you as a part of my life. I will be with you every step and every minute of every day to pray, to fight, to protect, to care, to encourage, to hold, to comfort, to cry, to serve. God is faithful and I am praying that in all things HE will be glorified and exalted during this time of testing.

    I Love You with all that I am.
    Your devoted husband Ed

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  2. Oh Fran. If your words weren't enough to make me tear up, Ed's finished me off. I am crying with you, friend...and I'm praying fervently, daily, continually for you and your sweet family. Friend, you sound so good. I know that sounds weird, but your faith and trust in God is strong...you are a warrior of the best kind. I am honored to be your friend.

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  3. My dear friend, you have been such a regular part of my thoughts and prayers these recent days. I'm so overwhelmed with how God has used you in my life to point my eyes to Him. I'm crying out to Him with you and Ed, asking Him to uphold, comfort, and strengthen you with each new day. I love you, dear friend, and stand with you. XOXO

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  4. OH Fran. My heart just aches for you. I have no words. Just know that you are on my heart and praying for you and your family.

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  5. Fran... I LOVE your attitude in the midst of a battle against cancer- which I HATE! I love your heart, your honesty, your spiritual integrity, and your theology. And I want to be like you when I grow up- emotionally honest, spiritually strong and physically willing to fight the good fight. Jane and I are praying for you each day as you walk this thing out.

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  6. I love you, Fran, and am asking the Lord to intervene on your behalf! Know we care and will do all we can do to encourage you and come alongside you and your family! You are a gem and are deeply loved!

    Barb

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  7. Oh, Precious Fran! What an inspiration you are! I'm praying for you every time you come to mind and that's often. In church on Sunday our choir sang a song that's from Psalm 3:3 and that became my prayer for you: that God will be your shield and your glory as you fight this battle.

    Lots of love and prayers,
    Melinda from the FIAR boards

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  8. Fran, you, your words, your faith, and your fight are all tough and beautiful and point me to Jesus.

    'Light always defeats darkness'! YES! Keep walking in that Light, dear one.

    I am praying for you every day.
    With love,
    Scarlett

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  9. Add me to the list of those who are praying DAILY for you, Fran. I am thankful for you. I am thankful for your heart, your strong spirit, and your testimony of God's grace and presence. You are so loved, my friend, and I too am honored to call you that.

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  10. I don't know you...you don't know me. I read this through Sue's Blog. I am praying for you...constantly. If you didn't know there was a stranger out there praying for you...now you do. Your words inspire me...you inspire me. Your faith inspires me. I just don't know what else to say...my heart breaks for you and I don't even know you, but I am thanksful that you know that God is with you and that He knows what He's planning. Hugs and prayers in your says ahead. -Kim

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  11. My sweet Fran, my heart breaks that you have to go through this again. You are strong, strong in you faith, strong in your love, strong in you will to fight this fight. You're in my prayers and on my heart. I'm here to do what He would have me do for you. I offer you my love and prayers these next days and know that we love you more everyday.

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  12. Praying for you Fran and words can't even begin to express the awe that I feel after reading this and how you are handling it right now. I could only hope to be like you if I were facing something like this! Praying peace for you and your wonderful husband and that Papa would wrap His loving arms around you all during this time!

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  13. fran, i, too, am lifting you up to our Heavenly Father. may he comfort, strengthen, encourage, and HEAL you!
    stacy z (fiar)

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  14. Fran, It just flat out made me mad when I read the cancer had come back. I am praying fervently for you. You are an inspiration.
    With love,
    Lisa

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  15. My heart aches for you!! I am praying for you daily!

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  16. Fran - Your post was one of such strength and real honesty. I am so inspired by you. I know you'd rather have it another way - me too. My heart is so sad. I am praying daily for you and you are on my heart constantly. I read today about the PEACE that Gods gives and I pray that you and your dh will feel the PEACE in such a real way.

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