Tests and More Tests

This last week has been a bit foggy for me. I thought now that I am coherent, I should document everything that I know happened (whether I remember it or not).

As mentioned before, I had a CTscan which revealed that the cancer had indeed metastasized. I also had chest x-rays. I have since had an MRI of my spine and my brain. We will find out those results today.

On Wednesday of last week, I went in for day surgery to remove the lymph node in my neck that was enlarged. They will use it for the pathology of this cancer. The surgeon also placed a port-a-cath back in my chest for chemo. The anesthesia for this was brutal. I came home the same day, but haven't had a clear head until yesterday (Sunday) and surgery was Wednesday! I know that I talked with many of you on the phone, but I don't remember it. Sorry. It was a strange reaction to anesthesia, but we've come to the conclusion that my liver must have had a difficult time metabolizing the medication since it is already compromised.

Today we will go see my oncologist and hear all of the results of these tests with more detail. We will learn the pathology of this cancer and we will discuss his plan of action to get this cancer under control.

As an afterthought, I will be having a complete bone scan on Wednesday. This information will be important as well, but compared to my liver, the lesions on my bones aren't as urgent. So that is where we stand. I will post again later when we return from the doctor's office.

Stay tuned...

You Wanna Piece of Me?

I just don’t understand. I did everything that they told me to do. Yet here I sit just 4 days from hearing the word CANCER again. Back pain and the pain/bloating in my liver didn’t give it away. It was tiny little lymph node that just wouldn’t give up. “Here I am. Notice me.” That little lymph node caused me to call my oncologist. The ever increasing back pain made me worry.

Now I know that cancer has made itself right at home once again within my body. This time though it won’t easily be defeated. My spine has numerous lesions, many lymph nodes in my neck and chest are cancerous, but most troubling is my liver. After a CT scan on Friday, we now know that I have EXTENSIVE lesions within my liver. The surgeon explained to me yesterday that there are 8 lobes to your liver and I have cancer in every lobe. Hey, when I do something—I do it BIG!

The many swirling thoughts have begun? How long do I have? What will Ed do without me? The list goes on and on. I am going in for an MRI today to get a better idea of what is on my spine and also to look at my brain. We do not know if the cancer has set up shop there yet. From a symptom standpoint I feel ok about my brain, but cancer in sneaky. It is a tool of Satan. It comes to steal, kill and destroy. My only saving grace and I do mean SAVING GRACE is that I have God on my side. This doesn’t mean that He will heal me (at least not on this earth). It means that He will be with me as I fight this fight. I’m not mad. Not yet. Right now I am just filled with great sadness knowing that my life will be cut short here on Earth and that Emma will have to go through life without me. Even typing those words makes me nauseous. I can’t wrap my brain around that yet. Quite frankly I don’t want to.

So today I will go see if there are any other landmines in my body that I will have to make an attack plan for. Tomorrow they will remove my enlarged lymph node and use it for pathology. We need to know exactly what the enemy looks like in order to beat it. I will also have a port put back in my chest for the chemo that is in my future. Next week when all the reports are in, I will meet with my oncologist to hear my prognosis and learn of the battle plan. I intend to fight. While the prospect of heaven is wonderful, I’m just not ready to go walk the streets of gold yet. I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me, but I know He uses ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him. There is a purpose in all of this. Good WILL come out of it. While it is hard to see through the darkness right now….LIGHT always defeats darkness. He is my Light, my Saviour, and my Lord.

Let the battle begin.

You've GOT to be kidding me!

I have happily been able to ignore this blog for many years now. I have given the occasional update about hair growth or medicine changes, but all in all my cancer journey has been uneventful these last 4.5 years.

Everything has changed.

Six weeks ago I felt a swollen lymph node in the lower part of my neck. After 3 weeks it was still there so I made and appointment to see my oncologist. While waiting for my appointment I have progressively begun feeling worse. I am having severe back pain that medicine doesn't help, extreme fatigue and pain/bloating under my right rib (in my liver).

I went in for a CT scan yesterday and they confirmed the worst case scenario for a breast cancer patient. It's metastasized. I have several lesions on my spine, several lymph nodes with cancer in them and the worst is numerous lesions on my liver. At the moment my prognosis is unknown.

I will go in to see a surgeon on Monday. On Wednesday she will remove the main lymph node in my neck and they will use it for the pathology of this cancer. She will also place a port-a-cath back in my chest to make chemo administration easier.

Tuesday I am scheduled for an MRI to look further at my spine and also at my brain. After all of the pathology comes back I will go see my oncologist (probably a week from Monday) and we will formulate our plan of attack and probably hear my prognosis. I am sure we will move quickly as it appears this is an aggressive cancer. I just had bloodwork in December and it all came back normal.

So the big question from everyone is: What can we do? Right now we just need prayers. Until we know how I will be treated and what that will look like we are just in a holding pattern--life as usual.

I will begin updating this blog to keep everyone informed just like the first time around. Please feel free to call, but don't be hurt if I don't get right back to you. I already feel worse than I did the first time around and I haven't even started treatment yet. Your support means so much, but it can be exhausting trying to talk to everyone each day.

It's going to be a long fight. I know the Lord has a plan in all of this. While I don't understand it right now, hopefully someday it will all be revealed to me. We will try to carry on living life one day at a time and enjoying every moment.

Thanks for your love and support.

Can You Believe It's Been 5 Years?!

2010 marks 5 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I won't reach this milestone until November, but a few months ago I started thinking about how I was going to celebrate being free from cancer. In 2007 I participated in the Komen 3Day (walking 60 miles in 3 days) to celebrate the end of treatment and life returning to normal. However, I didn't finish the walk. I wasn't physically up to it. I said then that if I make it to the coveted 5 year mark that I would walk the 3Day again. So I looked it up and decided to participate in the walk taking place in Chicago on August 6-8. My sister Kelli couldn't walk it with me the first go-round, but said she'd love to do it with me at the 5 year mark. So I called her up and am holding her to the promise! She's joining me, so we formed a team: The Rack Pack. (Thanks for the name Kelli.) I began talking about it with my friends Diana and Rebecca and they wanted to walk too! So now The Rack Pack is 4 members strong! If anyone else is interested in joining us, I will share a link to our team page where you can register to be a member of our team.

For those of you that followed me last time, you know that the biggest obstacle is not walking the 60 miles, but raising the money: $2300 a walker minimum. It seems like a lot, but it is such an important cause. Knowing now that I am a genetic carrier of the breast cancer gene mutation only makes my urgency greater. Emma has not been genetically tested, but it is something that we will do in the future. She needs to know her risk, and with statistics at 1 in 8 women being diagnosed with breast cancer she needs to be ahead of the curve. Money for research is continually needed. This research has also led to break-throughs for other types of cancer. I know some people feel like other forms of cancer don't get as much publicity as breast cancer, but all cancer benefits from continued research and trials.

Soon I will begin bombarding your inboxes and mailboxes with fundraising requests. You will be sick of hearing about this before spring even arrives I'm sure! :) How can you feel good about yourself when yet another email or letter arrives? Knowing that you've already joined in my CELEBRATION by donating to me and perhaps even to some of my other team members!!

Please help me meet my goal as soon as possible. You can go to my donation page and make a donation online or you can print off a donation form and mail in your donation.

Thank you for loving me and supporting me and for helping Emma's future look a little brighter that perhaps a cure will be found for this disease soon!

Time to Talk Ta-Tas

I can't believe March was the last time I updated this blog. I guess, if you think about it, the lack of activity on this blog is really a GOOD thing. Life goes on after cancer.

As you know it is October--Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Have you had your mammogram this year? Did you do a self exam this month? Have you even thought about your "girls" lately? If not, you really should. Those "girls" make your shirts looks nice, can feed your children and let's face it--we couldn't wait to get them when we were little. We should be taking better care of them!!

I am quickly approaching my 4 year cancer anniversary. Can you believe it's been 4 years since I was diagnosed? I can't. I'm already thinking about next year though. The 5 year mark. That's the big one. If you make it to 5 years without recurrence the medical industry jumps for joy. I know I'll be jumping too. In fact, to celebrate the occasion next year I am planning on walking the Komen 3Day again. I wasn't fully prepared when I did it in 2007. I wasn't as strong as I needed to be post-treatment. I said then that I wanted to walk it again in 2010 to mark my 5 years. I haven't decided which walk I will join, but I'm leaning towards the Chicago walk in August. I'm so excited about it. Yes, it's a long way off, but I'm ready for it. The training, the fundraising, the anticipation...it's all so exciting. Stay tuned for details.

As far as my health...great. We finally have me on a medication that works for me. The Fareston is working without noticeable side effects. I'm probably feeling the best I have since diagnosis. I'm losing weight and have been running 2 miles almost every day. I'm due for a check up in a few months, but I don't anticipate it to amount to much.

So girls, go get your ta-tas checked. It's not the most enjoyable way to spend an afternoon, but you're worth it.