It's a Bitter Pill to Swallow

My oncologist was saved today because I was seen initially by his nurse practitioner. SHE was very helpful and actually seemed concerned about my issues. She apparently went back to him and relayed my concerns so when he talked with me his bedside manner was better than usual.

It boils down to this: I have considered myself through with cancer treatment. I thought of the drugs that I have been taking as a dose of prevention. The painful reality is that I am still in the middle of treatment or better yet, I'm in a treatment that will never end. My type of tumor was very aggressive. Even with all of the treatments/precautions we've taken, I have a serious risk of recurrence due to the cancer type as well as the positive genetic mutation. These little pills that are making me miserable are daily treating my body to kill any cancer cells forming. Unfortunately the nurse practitioner had to concede the fact that we don't know long term what these drugs are doing to the rest of my body. So it comes down to basically a roll of the dice--prevent breast cancer recurrence in the short term or possibly cause a different cancer in the long term. Not great options either way if you ask me.

So I caved in and agreed to change to a drug called Femara. It has the same potential side effects as Aromasin, but some women do better on this for some reason--some do worse. I will be going back to the doctor as scheduled in July for a follow-up. We will check my vitamin D levels then and also see how the Femara is working for me.

I'm not happy about any of it. I want to be finished with cancer. I don't want to have to keep fighting this disease. I want to leave it behind and not look back. I'm tired of taking pills. I'm tired of my body being chemically altered. I'm tired of the whole damn process. Oh and to add insult to injury the 10 pounds I've gained since the hysterectomy is normal. As if having cancer and all it's repercussions aren't bad enough, I have to start getting fat too. Thanks cancer--you really know how to make a girl cry.