2007 Breast Cancer 3 Day

Friday, July 14, 2006

Will I ever escape it?

Most days I don't think about cancer. It oddly enough seems like it never really happened most days. I look in the mirror though and I'm reminded that I didn't do this to my hair--cancer did. Even that will be corrected in the months to come though. I will then just look like a normal woman and no one will be the wiser to what I've been through. I like not thinking about cancer every single day. Here is the big BUT...but, I've found that cancer has invaded even aspects of my life pre-cancer. I am going through all of our photos and putting them in albums. Each picture I pick up I don't think about the memory it represents--I think, "Did I have cancer when this was taken? How long was I sick before we found out?" I HATE this!! Yet another thing that cancer has taken from me. Yes, I can push beyond these thoughts and remember the sweet things about the picture, but will this always be the process? Cancer first--sweet memories after? It makes me angry that a little tumor can change your entire life forever.
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2 comments:

  1. Sue FlaskaJuly 17, 2006

    Ugh. I know EXACTLY what you mean Fran, I do the same thing with every picture I look at. It's been two years since I was diagnosed...but I still try and "figure out" when cancer and I became one.

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  2. AnonymousJuly 30, 2006

    I know how you feel, it's going on 9 years for me. I did the same thing and for quite awhile. Every picture taken within a year or 2 of my diagnosis, I had those same thoughts. I STILL have this "division" in my mind - my life before cancer & after cancer. But it's just a fleeting thought now that passes quickly. But I will say at SOME point I noticed I was looking at pictures (I like to scrapbook) and not thinking of cancer at all! Just the memories of my little boys splashing in the pool or playing in the mud or whatever the picture was about! So I bet the same will happen to you. This may sound silly, but the closest thing I can think of is like when you have the hiccups and suddenly you realize that you're not hiccuping anymore and you didn't even notice when you stopped hiccuping! And with that, I'll close. May God shower you with lots of reasons to smile today!

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