I know it's been a while since I've posted, but honestly I've been avoiding it. I have been enjoying a life without cancer and that includes talking about it. I do have some news to report though, so a post is in order.
We went to Dr. Q on Wednesday this week to discuss "maintenance". He said I won't have a scan until later in the year. He is confident that my strong regimen of chemotherapy killed any lurking cancer cells. He did however inform us that the chemo-induced menopause I have been experiencing will most likely be permanent. This was upsetting to say the least. Whether you want more children or not suddenly becomes an issue when you are told you won't be able to have anymore. I have a little bit of hope because I have read other cancer stories where cycles returned to normal, but it just took some time. If this wasn't bad enough, he also recommends that I start taking Tamoxifen. It is a drug that will help reduce my chances of recurrence. I will have to take it for 5 years. I will then be on an aromatase-inhibitor indefinitely. I suspected this would be the plan, but hearing him say it upset me. I don't want to take medicine for the rest of my life. I don't want to be an old woman with hot flashes trapped in the body of a 32 year old. I don't want my ability to bear children to be stolen from me. I've lost my hair and my breasts and now the one thing feminine that I have left is stolen from me too. It is so unfair. I'd rather be bald forever than be in menopause now.
We are still working on a date for my final reconstruction surgery. It looks like it will be toward the end of June. I'm not even excited...just ready. I'm ready to be in a place to not think about cancer for a long time.
2007 Breast Cancer 3 Day
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Oh Fran, I have been thinking about you and checking your blog for updates. I know the frustrations you are feeling, and you are right, it is so unfair. I have another 3 years on Tamoxifen, and another 3 years in a study where my ovaries are shut down each month. There are times when I want to throw in the towel, stop everything, and just try to be me, whatever that is now. Know that there are those of us out here thinking of you, and walking this walk side by side with you too.
ReplyDeleteSue
I'm sorry for all of these doses of reality that you are experiencing right now. Remember, they will keep you alive to be with the child you have. The Lord knows your heart Fran and He will continue to bless you in ways that you have never even imagined!
ReplyDeleteMy precious Frannie,
ReplyDeleteAs you prepare to celebrate yet another God-given birthday, I am reminded of the birthdays you have spent with me.....summer trips to the Grand Canyon, cheating at Trivial Pursuit, sewing, cooking, camping and arrowhead hunting. You have grown, now, into an absolutely beautiful Christian wife and mother making those same kinds of memories for your sweet little daughter. Your physical and emotional heartaches will soon be a part of your past. Let God plan your future and know that our prayers are with you. I love you.
I'm sorry your heart is hurting, Fran. Know that I'm regularly thinking of you and praying for you, asking God to give you exactly what you need for each new day. Wish I could hug you in person. Much love ~ Nikki
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