Two Steps Forward = Two Steps Back

Yesterday we had several doctor appointments. We met with my surgeon, Dr E., to get my pathology reports. He was rather vague though and we didn't really come away feeling like we knew anything. I knew Dr. Q. would give us a full explanation though so I wasn't worried.

We then met with Dr. C for another expansion session and she also removed my remaining two drains. For the record, drain removal is just one step shy of torture! Oh my goodness, I couldn't believe how much it hurt. I think it was the worst part of this process. Thankfully it only hurt when she pulled them out, but after about five minutes I couldn't even tell she had done it. I am very happy to be free of the drains. They were quite annoying and very uncomfortable. I go back in next Tuesday for another expansion session. Dr. C is pleased with the results so far and I am filling out nicely. At this point when I'm dressed you can't tell that I ever had surgery. I still look pretty mangled underneath my clothes, but that is healing nicely too.

We then went to Dr. Q's office so I could have lab work and my iron infusion. I also received a Procrit shot in the stomach. Man I sure haven't missed those. After that was all finished we met with Dr. Q for the new attack plan. I was prepared to hear that I was going to have to take the remaining 2 chemo sessions for good measure, but that wasn't what came out of his mouth.

My pathology shows that cancer cells were found very close to the surgical margins. When they remove cancerous tissue they also remove good tissue around it. The good tissue is called your margins. Well in my case since all the tissue was removed my margins go all the way to my skin. What this means is that cancer cells were found close to the skin in my breast which was a bit of a shock for all parties involved. My surgeon has requested the pathologist do a deeper study of the tissue to see what exactly we are dealing with. So basically I went in yesterday believing I was cancer free to now being practically back to square one. I have cancer in my breast still (in theory) so we have to attack it. I will definitely have more chemo and now they are even discussing radiation for localized treatment. Since there is no longer a tumor to focus on we are literally trying to kill the proverbial needle in a haystack. Needless to say I am devastated. I totally had not prepared myself to hear this. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it this morning. We are now waiting for the new pathology to determine our next move. As soon as we know, you'll know. Until then please pray that we can kill these cells and that we can get our lives back to normal. I have felt so healthy the last few weeks not having had chemo now for a month. It is so hard to know that I have to go back into the pool of chemical waste and swim around for a while and come out feeling bad all the while "hoping" that we are killing this damn cancer.

Again I have to say how appropriate the daily verse is today. The Lord always shows Himself and reminds me to keep my faith in Him. There is a greater purpose for all of this. I may not see it now, but He knows why I am going through this valley.

“ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)